Where IS God...how is this happening to my life?

As I was searching for new music yesterday, I was delighted to come across singer Britt Nicole and her 2009 album, "The Lost Get Found". Her music is so full of energy and a true love for God. Although I'd love to share every great song I hear, I've decided to post "Have Your Way" because it is so powerful and really ties into my "Where IS God...?" theme.

I checked out YouTube hoping to find that she'd made a music video for the song...but I had no such luck. So it was either I chose a simple video of the lyrics flashing on the screen, or one with a bunch of pictures illustrating the music. The one that I selected to share is incredible because it depicts a true story of love and joy -- but also the heartache, suffering, and trials a young couple share together.

I also encourage you to check out their story on their blog!

"Have Your Way" - by Britt Nicole 

Feels like I've been here forever,
Why can't you just intervene?
Do you see the tears keep falling
I'm falling apart at the seems,
But You never said the road would be easy
But You said you would never leave,
And you never promised that this life isn't hard,
But you promised you'd take care of me,

So I'll stop searching for the answer,
I'll stop praying for an escape,
I'll trust you God with where I am
And believe you will have your way,
Just have your way,
Just have your way,

Isaiah 55:8-9 

"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the LORD. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."

Although we don't always like or agree with God's plan...He does have a plan for each and every one of us. We don't understand His plan, and that can be extremely overwhelming and frustrating at times.  It doesn't matter what we go through, God will be there with us and understands our pain when no one else seems to comprehend it. God's plan is so supreme to ours...and with a lot of faith and a lot of patience, we will see what the amazing plan is that God has for us! Be excited -- not afraid!
 

Where IS God...behind the scenes of my Sunday morning church life?

Since the time I was in middle school I have been involved in the leading of Sunday morning church services. When I look back and think about that, it is just crazy. Where else do both children and seniors takes turns and come together in leading one another in something so serious? I really can't think of any other place other than in the House of the Lord...aka, church!

Leading others in worship. Wow, take a second to take that in. That is incredible. I encourage you to read what the dictionary says about worship. Although it could be quite obvious to you what it is, there is something so profound about hearing/reading the meaning of it again and meditating on it.

Personally, I love going to church and my favourite part is singing and praying. I could do both of those things for hours on a Sunday if I was given the opportunity to (of course that doesn't mean I can't do that on my own time, but that is what I thrive on during a service). I love sitting in the pews with the rest of the congregation, but I also love standing on the platform with the music team leading the rest of the church family in worship.

There are three scenarios that can happen to me on a Sunday morning. Firstly, some days I will be ready, excited, not tired, not feeling sick and on fire for God. While other days I feel so unworthy, inadequate and the worst sinner in the world...surely not someone who should be leading God's people.
Then the third possible scenario for my Sunday morning: Sometimes the preparation for this thirty minute segment of the service is so stressful and sickening that I don't even want to be there. Everyone has their own style and opinion of how a service should go, and we a team of 2-6 people have to work together in a God honouring fashion to get that underway. That should be easy...in theory. Unfortunately, Satan is not exactly pleased with what we are doing and wants to make a constant disaster of worshipping God and being a church family. There is always a brutal spiritual battle going on.

Aside from the interpersonal skills within the music team, I (and I'm sure we, the team) are in constant wonder of what the rest of the church would like to see happen on a Sunday morning. All we know is that everyone worships God differently. Everyone likes different styles of music. Everyone communicates with God in a different way. Myself, I am a people-pleaser, so I find this very challenging. Sure, you could say that if someone doesn't like the service format, or thinks the music is too loud, or too slow, or whatever, then they can just look for another church to attend. That however, is not as simple as it sounds.

If the worship is honoring to God, why do we complain? If we are legally allowed to worship our Heavenly Father in this country, why do we complain? If we are surrounded by other Christians while we worship God, why do we complain? Why can't everyone just sing, cry, or shout till their heart's content while we are worshiping?

Of course I have a personal preference in music, and I love good quality music...but I set that aside to the best of my ability to embrace the service and set my heart set towards God. It grieves me deeply when I have thoroughly enjoyed a church service, have felt the presence of God so close to me, and then afterwards hear my friends, family, or others bash certain aspects of the service. How do you think that makes God feel? Talk about a major bubble burst.

As I'm writing this post the song "Heart of Worship" comes to mind:

"I'm coming back to the heart of worship

And it's all about you

It's all about you, Jesus

I'm sorry Lord for the things I've made it

When it's all about you

It's all about you, Jesus"

Why do we continually backhandedly bring worship back to ourselves? Please do not sing that song unless you do not complain about your church. Because if you do complain, you are saying that it IS indeed more about you and your preferences of worship than it is about actually worshipping God.

It makes me so mad that society has made us into thinkers and doers of self-righteous personal improvement. We are all under construction, but we are under the construction of personal improvement to strive to get as close to the bar Jesus has set for us. To become more like Christ...not what we want to see ourselves as.

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus...Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God..."
Philippians 2:5, 14-15

I can't wait for the day when we all stand in heaven around the throne of Glory and worship. Worship. Worship. Worship Jesus Christ, the Son of God. Show our adoration, gratitude, and respect to God. I have no idea what worship is going to look like in Heaven...but I'm positive that it is going to look and feel a lot different than it does here on Earth.

Where IS God...during the deaths in my life?

When we are young we are told over and over again by our parents and teachers that we have our whole lives ahead of us. The part they tend to leave out of their inspirational pep-talks is that the people we love aren't always going to be a part of this "rest of our lives". Our lives are going to change and go ways that we don't wish them to go. Of course that makes perfect common sense...but today was the first time I have fully appreciated that. People die. It's what they do. But for a young person such as myself, people passing away has always seemed to happen to people who I'm not overly close to, or it happens for the best and is a relief because I know they are now in the arms of God. This time however...it is ripping me to pieces.

For the past few weeks I have been watching my Grandpa Allen deteriorate rapidly. And to be honest, it is killing me. Life in general has been difficult for the past little while, but this additional sorrow has become too much for me. I love him so much. He blesses me on a constant basis and I feel so unworthy and undeserving of everything he gives me. He has dedicated his entire life to following Christ, and God has blessed him so much for his service.

Now I pace the house screaming with tears rolling down my face. Everything is out of my control. All I can do is wait by the phone and hope that the next phone call won't be much worse than the previous. It pains me so much to see my Grandpa suffer, but I don't want to let him go or see him go.

We talk about giving everything to God. In theory it should be the easiest thing to do. Let God, the Maker of the universe, take care of my needs. He is fully capable of doing that. But to actually let go...at this exact moment of my life...it seems to be nearly impossible.

I keep turning to everything and everyone of this world to give me comfort and peace. I go online or to my phone and scroll through all the possible friends I could talk to...but I know that no one will really understand what I'm going through or how I'm feeling, so i don't even bother. I want to turn to people even though I really want to turn to God. But right now, I don't even know how to turn to God. It's such a frustrating feeling to be far from God when you really want to be close to Him.

I have no fear of death. My fear is of life. Life without someone who I wish I was closer to. Life without someone who is such an awesome Godly leader. Life without someone who I trust with anything. Life without my Grandpa. That is what I fear.

It kills me to think about the fact that my Grandpa will never know who I marry and won't be there to make a speech at my wedding. He'll never meet his great-grandchildren and worse yet, they won't know him. I won't be able to call him on the phone and hear him answer with that wonderful telephone-voice "Hello?". When I walk by his house, he will no longer be there.

My Grandpa wants to leave this earth and go to Heaven to be with his God. He wants to be where the love of his life, my Grandma, is. I want him to be there too. But I also want him here.

I am the person I am today because of how my Grandpa walks faithfully with the Lord, how he loved and raised his family and ran his household. He taught my Dad right from wrong and to do what is pleasing to God. He was a fantastic example for my Dad as he grew up. I will be forever thankful.

So, Where IS God...during the deaths in my life? Well, although this is a horrible time for me, one thing's for sure:

All's well that ends well...and even though the end has not yet come, it has been decided, and that gives me (us) the freedom of hope because Jesus Christ is Lord.