What is "Love"?

What is "love"?  What is it "to love"?  What is it "to be loved"?

I struggle with what love is in the same depth that some people struggle with the question, “What is the meaning of life?”.

It’s not that I have never been loved.  Truth be known, I have grown up in an extremely loving home.  I have an amazing family and amazing friends.  I have always known the love that The Lord God has for me.  I have always been loved and I’ve always known that.

I have always cared deeply for people.  I thrive on helping, supporting, and caring for others.

But this love thing…I don’t understand it.  And then I realised why:

We live in a society where everything around us is sexualized.  And when I say “everything”, I mean everything!  It’s next to impossible to find a TV show or a movie that doesn’t regard a simple, basic, loving relationship as anything more than sex and some happy-go-lucky feelings.  And if a couple within the program isn’t having sex and they aren’t happy-go-lucky, their relationship is doomed.

I’ve always known that a romantic relationship isn’t purely about the sex.  Sex is one of the few things that can be taken out of the equation and still have a functioning relationship.  It may not be as fun as desired, but people can function without sex.

Remember, I’m talking about love.  I know what sex is…sort of.  Although I’ve never had sex and I don’t plan on partaking in said activity anytime soon, I’m starting to think I understand it better than I do, “love”.

That bothers me a lot.

Let me get one thing straight right away: I don’t watch porn.  I’m that person who hovers the mouse over a 14A movie on Netflix, IMDb’s the movie and reads the parental guide, goes back and hovers over the link yet again, and ends up looking for another movie to watch.  I’m twenty years old.  I watch stuff that would make my mother shudder and lecture me, but I draw the line!  Yet somehow this stuff is okay for a fourteen year old to be watching?  And come on, you must be completely ignorant if you think the ten to thirteen year olds haven’t watched the 14A movies I’ve declared “inappropriate”.  It’s horrific.

All that to say, even these not so vulgar and relatively appropriate films and media have drastically tainted my perspective on love and relationships.  Nearly every show or movie these days has someone cheating on someone or some marital relationship falls apart with no avail to pick up the broken pieces and try to fix what went wrong.

If it’s a children’s movie where two parents are getting a divorce the plot will often lead to the famous: “It’s wasn’t your fault, kids!  Don’t ever think that.  Your mother and I just don’t feel the same way about each other as we did when we got married.  That doesn't change our love for you, though!"

Just stop.

Good job teaching your kids what love is.  Not.

Yes, divorce happens.  Yes, it is brutal.  No, it doesn’t mean parents stop loving their kids.  But that doesn’t mean that it teaches love.

If this is how the face of love is going to continue to be presented to the next generation, and if these images truly depicts love for what it is, I don’t want to ever be loved by any man!  It sounds horrible.

I would now like to bring in a reality check:

There is more than just “love” that we’re dealing with here.  There is…

1.       falling in love – which I would prefer to call “finding interest and chemistry”

2.       being in love – which I would prefer to call “enjoying interest and chemistry”

3.       friendship love

4.       family love

5.       committed love – which I will also call “true love”

Falling in love is that time when a girl sees a guy and gets all these butterflies in her gut and wants to hide before anyone sees her crimson face.  It’s when two people are soaring on a high of crazed emotions.  They enjoy spending time together more than they enjoy breathing.  They don’t want the moment to ever end.  This is a process and there is no regulated timeline attached.  It can be ongoing indefinitely.

Being in love is when you see that special person and you are filled with so much joy.  There’s a good chance that there are some butterflies involved.  This timeframe can be overlapped with falling in love but could probably be classified as a little bit more down to earth.  Maybe.  This is past the awkward part of “falling” and now you’re just “there”.  Still though, emotions and hormones are raging.

Friendship love can mean a couple things.  It can mean that you’re the “best guy friend” and totally “friend zoned”, or it can mean that you are friends and your friendship is valued immensely.  The person you go to over everything from how to get a stain out of your first apartment’s carpet to boy problems to a family member’s death.  Friendship love is there through it all.  It’s the love and support you look for when parents, siblings, relatives, and spouses just don’t cut the mustard.

Family love can be very similar to friendship love but it can also be very different.  Friends come and go.  Some of us have learned that lesson much harder than others.  Family is different because although you might not want to be or like to be related to them, you are and always will be!  Even the most dysfunctional families hold a certain bond.  They might hate each other’s guts and tell everyone they meet how much they hate their family, but if someone were to start hating on them…watch out buddy…’cause you’re as good as dead!  We might not like our family, but we do (usually) love them.  Unless, of course, they are your spouse because in that case according to current media, you can stop loving those but just not your kids.

Committed love is the final type of love.  This love is the love that can travel through all the other realms of love.  It’s “true love”.  It’s unconditional love.  This sort of love is becoming extinct in the same way we talk about chivalry becoming extinct.  Neither are extinct, but the way we harbour both of these things would lead one to think that they just aren’t a thing anymore.  It’s a two way street.  Both people need to be on board and committed to true love.  Through thick and thin, this type of love carries on and does not waver.

I’ve talked about the types of love, but I still haven’t spelt out the definition of what “love” is, so here it goes:

“Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

True love isn’t about the mushy gushy feelings and sparks flying -- it’s so much more than that.  You can’t live your entire life with the crazy raging hormones.  It just isn’t a thing.  True love is committed love. 

I’m about to sound like a horribly cheesy pre-teen magazine…

How do you know if a person loves you?  Or, how do you know if you love someone? 

Well, are they patient towards you?  Are they kind to you?  Are they protective of you?  Are you protective of them?  Do they trust you and do you trust them?  Do you have hope around them?  When everything is going dreadfully wrong, when there doesn’t look like there is any possibility for things to straighten out even a little, do you both persevere for each other?  Will all of these things listed above never fail to be true?

Or are you envious or boastful towards each other, always trying to outdo the other?  Are either of you proud?  Are they rude to you or you to them?  Are you caught up in yourselves and not thinking about the other’s wellbeing?  Do you set each other off over any little thing and get angry?  Are you both keeping track of how many times the other did something wrong or angered you?  Do you or they delight in evil?

If you are to be in a romantic relationship with someone and you frequent any of the things listed in the second paragraph, true love is not being achieved.  The second paragraph is very self-centered and when it isn’t all about you, you are watching and anticipating for your significant other to mess up.  You shouldn’t be so upset with this person whom you “love” so frequently that you are keeping track of each thing they’ve done wrong.  We’re all human.  We all make mistakes, but the extent of those issues really do determine how much we care about the person we are hurting and how much we care about them to forgive them.

Yet again, it’s a two way street.  True love must be reciprocated both ways.  It isn’t enough for someone to forgive someone over and over again with the other person never changing their ways.  That’s abusive.

If this can’t be achieved, true love between a romantic couple will never truly happen.  We all have issues that we struggle with, but these issues should not be so great that it ruins a relationship we have with a spouse.  Some people were just not meant to be with some people.  That’s okay!  Those people can be friends -- just not someone you marry.

Then beyond that, just because you and another person have all of those paragraph one points doesn’t mean that you are supposed to get married.  As I mentioned before, this true love thing can cross over and be blended with other types of love.  The factors of personality, life goals, location, and so forth play a very significant role is this romantic love and marriage thing.

 

I think one of the reasons I’ve felt so out of touch with the meaning of love is because we throw this word around as we do the word “like”. 

“That was like so cool!” or “Like, I was thinking we could meet at around like 8 o’clock?”

It’s like so annoying.

“I love that shirt!” or “I love going to the mall on a Saturday afternoon.”

I don’t love how we don’t have another word to insert in sentences such as those in the place of “love”.

To recap in a nutshell:

The feelings and excitement you have for a person must be reciprocated by that same person, but that is not the real heartfelt definition of what love is.  Love is not just an emotion but also an action.  True romantic love should also be a joint action.

In conclusion:

I think people should be told that they are loved, but I think it is crucial for them to know what type of love you have for them.  Caring and being sensitive to someone’s needs and respecting them can be very different from falling in love with them and being zapped with comradery, chemistry, and respect simultaneously.

I don’t think love comes entirely from the heart but also from the head.  We can’t always choose who we have chemistry with or like, but we can choose who we love.  I think we need to stop thinking of love as an explosion but rather as a lifestyle.

If there is anything out of all my ramblings that I want people to take away with them is this:

If you can’t love someone in every way 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 tells us to after all the butterflies have flown away after years of being together, verse 8: “Love never fails”, will not be possible.  Don’t become romantically attached to someone permanently if you aren’t willing to hold out and follow through with verse 8.

It is essential that we figure out if we have true love, committed love, till death do us part love, before we take a serious relationship to the next level of seriousness (marriage).  I really believe that if someone goes into a marriage and it “just doesn’t work” it is up to those people to strive to achieve committed love.  It could be a very long and challenging road to travel along, but the commitment of marriage is founded on the basis of love, so that is what must be achieved.  Even if you don’t like the person anymore, you must remember that that is not what marriage is. 

So, what is marriage?  It is Persevering Love.

One Last Thing:

If we devote our lives to Jesus, put Him first, and love Him wholeheartedly, He will give us the direction and strength we need to have good, long lasting, beautiful, loving relationships with others.

**Please note: I don’t think it is right for someone to stay in a relationship where there is physical, mental, or spiritual abuse happening.  I don’t believe that God wants us to stay in a situation where our own person or families will be put in danger.  Sometimes distance is the best way to love – especially if you are not being loved by who you are trying to love.**

Where IS God...how is this happening to my life?

As I was searching for new music yesterday, I was delighted to come across singer Britt Nicole and her 2009 album, "The Lost Get Found". Her music is so full of energy and a true love for God. Although I'd love to share every great song I hear, I've decided to post "Have Your Way" because it is so powerful and really ties into my "Where IS God...?" theme.

I checked out YouTube hoping to find that she'd made a music video for the song...but I had no such luck. So it was either I chose a simple video of the lyrics flashing on the screen, or one with a bunch of pictures illustrating the music. The one that I selected to share is incredible because it depicts a true story of love and joy -- but also the heartache, suffering, and trials a young couple share together.

I also encourage you to check out their story on their blog!

"Have Your Way" - by Britt Nicole 

Feels like I've been here forever,
Why can't you just intervene?
Do you see the tears keep falling
I'm falling apart at the seems,
But You never said the road would be easy
But You said you would never leave,
And you never promised that this life isn't hard,
But you promised you'd take care of me,

So I'll stop searching for the answer,
I'll stop praying for an escape,
I'll trust you God with where I am
And believe you will have your way,
Just have your way,
Just have your way,

Isaiah 55:8-9 

"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the LORD. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."

Although we don't always like or agree with God's plan...He does have a plan for each and every one of us. We don't understand His plan, and that can be extremely overwhelming and frustrating at times.  It doesn't matter what we go through, God will be there with us and understands our pain when no one else seems to comprehend it. God's plan is so supreme to ours...and with a lot of faith and a lot of patience, we will see what the amazing plan is that God has for us! Be excited -- not afraid!
 

Where IS God...behind the scenes of my Sunday morning church life?

Since the time I was in middle school I have been involved in the leading of Sunday morning church services. When I look back and think about that, it is just crazy. Where else do both children and seniors takes turns and come together in leading one another in something so serious? I really can't think of any other place other than in the House of the Lord...aka, church!

Leading others in worship. Wow, take a second to take that in. That is incredible. I encourage you to read what the dictionary says about worship. Although it could be quite obvious to you what it is, there is something so profound about hearing/reading the meaning of it again and meditating on it.

Personally, I love going to church and my favourite part is singing and praying. I could do both of those things for hours on a Sunday if I was given the opportunity to (of course that doesn't mean I can't do that on my own time, but that is what I thrive on during a service). I love sitting in the pews with the rest of the congregation, but I also love standing on the platform with the music team leading the rest of the church family in worship.

There are three scenarios that can happen to me on a Sunday morning. Firstly, some days I will be ready, excited, not tired, not feeling sick and on fire for God. While other days I feel so unworthy, inadequate and the worst sinner in the world...surely not someone who should be leading God's people.
Then the third possible scenario for my Sunday morning: Sometimes the preparation for this thirty minute segment of the service is so stressful and sickening that I don't even want to be there. Everyone has their own style and opinion of how a service should go, and we a team of 2-6 people have to work together in a God honouring fashion to get that underway. That should be easy...in theory. Unfortunately, Satan is not exactly pleased with what we are doing and wants to make a constant disaster of worshipping God and being a church family. There is always a brutal spiritual battle going on.

Aside from the interpersonal skills within the music team, I (and I'm sure we, the team) are in constant wonder of what the rest of the church would like to see happen on a Sunday morning. All we know is that everyone worships God differently. Everyone likes different styles of music. Everyone communicates with God in a different way. Myself, I am a people-pleaser, so I find this very challenging. Sure, you could say that if someone doesn't like the service format, or thinks the music is too loud, or too slow, or whatever, then they can just look for another church to attend. That however, is not as simple as it sounds.

If the worship is honoring to God, why do we complain? If we are legally allowed to worship our Heavenly Father in this country, why do we complain? If we are surrounded by other Christians while we worship God, why do we complain? Why can't everyone just sing, cry, or shout till their heart's content while we are worshiping?

Of course I have a personal preference in music, and I love good quality music...but I set that aside to the best of my ability to embrace the service and set my heart set towards God. It grieves me deeply when I have thoroughly enjoyed a church service, have felt the presence of God so close to me, and then afterwards hear my friends, family, or others bash certain aspects of the service. How do you think that makes God feel? Talk about a major bubble burst.

As I'm writing this post the song "Heart of Worship" comes to mind:

"I'm coming back to the heart of worship

And it's all about you

It's all about you, Jesus

I'm sorry Lord for the things I've made it

When it's all about you

It's all about you, Jesus"

Why do we continually backhandedly bring worship back to ourselves? Please do not sing that song unless you do not complain about your church. Because if you do complain, you are saying that it IS indeed more about you and your preferences of worship than it is about actually worshipping God.

It makes me so mad that society has made us into thinkers and doers of self-righteous personal improvement. We are all under construction, but we are under the construction of personal improvement to strive to get as close to the bar Jesus has set for us. To become more like Christ...not what we want to see ourselves as.

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus...Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God..."
Philippians 2:5, 14-15

I can't wait for the day when we all stand in heaven around the throne of Glory and worship. Worship. Worship. Worship Jesus Christ, the Son of God. Show our adoration, gratitude, and respect to God. I have no idea what worship is going to look like in Heaven...but I'm positive that it is going to look and feel a lot different than it does here on Earth.

Where IS God...during the deaths in my life?

When we are young we are told over and over again by our parents and teachers that we have our whole lives ahead of us. The part they tend to leave out of their inspirational pep-talks is that the people we love aren't always going to be a part of this "rest of our lives". Our lives are going to change and go ways that we don't wish them to go. Of course that makes perfect common sense...but today was the first time I have fully appreciated that. People die. It's what they do. But for a young person such as myself, people passing away has always seemed to happen to people who I'm not overly close to, or it happens for the best and is a relief because I know they are now in the arms of God. This time however...it is ripping me to pieces.

For the past few weeks I have been watching my Grandpa Allen deteriorate rapidly. And to be honest, it is killing me. Life in general has been difficult for the past little while, but this additional sorrow has become too much for me. I love him so much. He blesses me on a constant basis and I feel so unworthy and undeserving of everything he gives me. He has dedicated his entire life to following Christ, and God has blessed him so much for his service.

Now I pace the house screaming with tears rolling down my face. Everything is out of my control. All I can do is wait by the phone and hope that the next phone call won't be much worse than the previous. It pains me so much to see my Grandpa suffer, but I don't want to let him go or see him go.

We talk about giving everything to God. In theory it should be the easiest thing to do. Let God, the Maker of the universe, take care of my needs. He is fully capable of doing that. But to actually let go...at this exact moment of my life...it seems to be nearly impossible.

I keep turning to everything and everyone of this world to give me comfort and peace. I go online or to my phone and scroll through all the possible friends I could talk to...but I know that no one will really understand what I'm going through or how I'm feeling, so i don't even bother. I want to turn to people even though I really want to turn to God. But right now, I don't even know how to turn to God. It's such a frustrating feeling to be far from God when you really want to be close to Him.

I have no fear of death. My fear is of life. Life without someone who I wish I was closer to. Life without someone who is such an awesome Godly leader. Life without someone who I trust with anything. Life without my Grandpa. That is what I fear.

It kills me to think about the fact that my Grandpa will never know who I marry and won't be there to make a speech at my wedding. He'll never meet his great-grandchildren and worse yet, they won't know him. I won't be able to call him on the phone and hear him answer with that wonderful telephone-voice "Hello?". When I walk by his house, he will no longer be there.

My Grandpa wants to leave this earth and go to Heaven to be with his God. He wants to be where the love of his life, my Grandma, is. I want him to be there too. But I also want him here.

I am the person I am today because of how my Grandpa walks faithfully with the Lord, how he loved and raised his family and ran his household. He taught my Dad right from wrong and to do what is pleasing to God. He was a fantastic example for my Dad as he grew up. I will be forever thankful.

So, Where IS God...during the deaths in my life? Well, although this is a horrible time for me, one thing's for sure:

All's well that ends well...and even though the end has not yet come, it has been decided, and that gives me (us) the freedom of hope because Jesus Christ is Lord. 

Where IS God...in my Facebook life?

Something that really irritates me are these "Christian" fan pictures. Typically they have some picture of Jesus, or an angel, or some creeping looking Satan and fire going on with some text along the lines of "Click Like/Share if you love God...keep scrolling if you love Satan". First of all, that is outrageous. Secondly, I am never going to Like or (help us all) Share a picture like that ever! And thirdly, I love God with all my heart and as for Satan, no. The thought of loving him is disturbing. 

When I scroll past those dreadful pictures on my Facebook News Feed, why am I cringing? Well, it's for several reasons. Partially it is because the pictures give me an unsettling guilt for not clicking the Like button. I feel guilty because I have scrolled. I feel guilty, but it is a fake man made guilt...not a guilt that God, Himself had put in my conscience. I am angered because some person, a human being has made me feel bad about my relationship with Christ.

This isn't what Christianity is all about. This is not loving God. This is pointless spam. But it seems that to some, this is where "Facebook Christianity" is at. It is as ridiculous as those chain mail things that say: "Send this friendship poem to five friends within the next two hours or else you will die" ...like no...come on now...don't be stupid.

I think social networking sites such as Facebook and Blogger are great for bringing people together in the Christian community. It's cool to even have Facebook groups such as: "Let's get all Christians in one group!!" because it makes you feel not alien even if you are the one and only person in your school or workplace who believes in God. But even aside from that, Facebooking about God and His love should not be a superficial, manipulated click of a button. A relationship with God is not a click of a button...it's true, genuine, real and something you should actually want to Share.

Where IS God...in the trials of my life?

It can be hard to see how God could possibly be at work in our lives and be on our side when life straight up sucks. When we wake up in the morning we have no idea what sort of twists and turns our day will bring. I think the term "God is testing you" has become washed up, one dimensional, and just a very stupid and hurtful answer to give to someone who is hurting. Also, what does that even really mean, God is "testing" me? Isn't our entire life on earth a bit of a test? What's so special about now?

In the times when absolutely nothing is going right, I think the best thing to do is focus on 

Galatians 5:22-23 

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." 

Multiple times throughout the Bible there is a focus on these characteristics, so there really must be something to them!

Philippians 4:4-7 really expands on the fruit of the spirit.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Although we will not always be "happy" we can be filled with the joy of Christ. I know and am at peace with the knowledge that everyone and everything is in God's hands. Sure I love to be in control and know who, what, when, where, why and how about everything...but more often than not I don't know, and don't know best, and I can't possibly have any control over these situations in my life. And who am I to say or do anything anyways? I happily rest everything in God's hands because I know He knows best! I have so much to rejoice about!

Matthew 6:25-27, 33-34

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Then in Joshua 1:9

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous, do not tremble or be dismayed; for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go!"

God clearly doesn't want us to worry about the problems in our life. If we commit everything to Him and seek after Him, we will be filled with a peace and joy that we won't be able to perfectly explain. Patience is something that can be incredibly hard to have. People irritate us, circumstances unravel us and then we remember...

Proverbs 10:28 

"The prospect of the righteous is joy, but the hopes of the wicked come to nothing." 

Proverbs 14:29-30 

"A patient man has great understanding, but a quick tempered man displays folly. A heart of peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." 

and Proverbs 15:1 

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh word stirs up anger."

Back to the whole "testing us" thing...although we may not know exactly what God is looking for from us right away, we can focus our thoughts on striving to have the characteristics of the fruit of the spirt because with those we are on the right track for serving our Lord.

Galatians 5:23, 18

"Against such things there is no law.

But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law."

Where IS God...in my life?

That is a pretty crazy question for anyone to answer. Sure, any Christian can give a superficial ten second answer: "I look around and see all of creation" ...but honestly...where IS God in my life? Personally, I know and believe that God is in my life, but what does that even mean on a deeper level? I've grown up in a Christian home, gone to church all my life, when I was four I asked Jesus to come into my heart, and I have always been extremely open about my faith...but when I examine myself and look at how God is in my life TODAY and try to write it down, I'm not always very satisfied with what I come up with.

Something I have always craved to have is a deep and meaningful relationship with Christ. I want to grow as a Christian. I want to know my way around the Bible. But do I read my Bible every day? No. I've been a Christian for fourteen years and have I read the Bible from cover to cover? No. So I want to seek God's face...yet I don't even take an extreme effort to study His Word? I owe Him my life and my well being...yet I always focus on my life rather than His.

I like to imagine that God is a physically there person standing in my house with a Bible in His hand. I'll be standing in the basement folding laundry and I'll get a text from my friends asking me to go hang out. I accept and say, "Hey, uh God...could you take this stack of clothes up to my room for me? I'm going to go out, but I'll be back soon. Don't go anywhere!!" 

And of course God never will leave or forsake me...even when I use Him for every little petty thing in my life. Nothing is too little or too big for God to deal with and He loves it when we call out to Him for help...but it is ridiculous to only ask Him for things when He's already given me the hope and freedom of eternal life in heaven when I die. It's so important to remember to thank God for everything, make time to go and be alone with Him, and get to know the Saviour of the world. He's my friend and I need to treat Him like one!

I put God off. It's as simple as that. I don't know where you stand, but I'm sure I'm not alone in this.

Kinnie Koala . . . 2012

I started blogging way back in 2005 but I was never very consistent with it. One reason that I haven't resumed posting in the past few years is because this blog has a lot of history...a history which I don't want to be sharing with the whole world anymore. Some of the posts would have been what I guess you could call "quirky" for an eleven-year-old...but...well...I really don't need to be reliving those days.

Although the colours, the template and the posting style has varied over the past eight years, one thing has stayed very much the same, and that would be the blog's motto: "Kinnie Koala...I want to cling onto God like a koala clings onto a tree". 

For the past couple of days I've been writing posts with the themed topic, "Where IS God?". I think this is something that a lot of people think about and struggle with so I'm going to write on my take of it and some other related stuff. I'll be writing for my own benefit and personal reflection, but having readers and comments are always a joy!

I'm making a fresh start in the blogging world and I'm so excited!

Kinza